James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover
I begin this post with a video of a rather emotional song by James Blunt. This song has been resonating deep within me ever since I heard it. I've cried buckets while listening to it as I internalize every word and understand all the meaning being offered. I've been sad, I've been in a lot of inner turmoil and I have felt that I've been walking a very fine line between sanity and insanity. I've pondered and questioned and fought and had to finally stand straight and make a life altering decision. Life altering because it has not only altered my life but that of all person's involved.
The ending of 2006, brought down with it the final curtain call on my five year marriage. It is not an easy thing to do - to end a marriage where you still care about your now ex, but you know in your heart that staying together amounts to no real happiness for either party. The divorce needed to happen because we had to get out of the quagmire of doubt, anger, hurt and guilt. The character Lorelai Gilmore (from Gilmore Girls) put it perfectly:
"No, you don't get it. I need it to be over, I need it to be over because I can't take this anymore. Yes I loved Luke and yes I wanted to marry Luke, but I didn't want a life separate from Luke and that's all he could give me. I don't want that! If I'm going to be with Luke, I want to be with Luke. And he didn't get it. and I waited, I mean God, I waited. It's like Luke is driving a car ok and I just want to be in the passenger seat, but he's locked the door and so I have to hold on to the bumper you know and I'm not even asking him to open the door for me, just leave it unlocked and say come in. But NO! He didn't do that. So I'm hanging onto the bumper and life goes on and the car goes on and I get really badly bruised and hitting potholes and it hurts. It hurts. So yesterday, I had to let go of the bumper, because it hurts too much. It hurts too much!"
Some choice lines from James Blunt's song...
"...Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?'
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,...
Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.You have been the one.You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.And as you move on, remember me,Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.I've watched you sleeping for a while.
Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.You have been the one.You have been the one for me.I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow."