January 09, 2007

Goodbye...

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover


I begin this post with a video of a rather emotional song by James Blunt. This song has been resonating deep within me ever since I heard it. I've cried buckets while listening to it as I internalize every word and understand all the meaning being offered. I've been sad, I've been in a lot of inner turmoil and I have felt that I've been walking a very fine line between sanity and insanity. I've pondered and questioned and fought and had to finally stand straight and make a life altering decision. Life altering because it has not only altered my life but that of all person's involved.

The ending of 2006, brought down with it the final curtain call on my five year marriage. It is not an easy thing to do - to end a marriage where you still care about your now ex, but you know in your heart that staying together amounts to no real happiness for either party. The divorce needed to happen because we had to get out of the quagmire of doubt, anger, hurt and guilt. The character Lorelai Gilmore (from Gilmore Girls) put it perfectly:

"No, you don't get it. I need it to be over, I need it to be over because I can't take this anymore. Yes I loved Luke and yes I wanted to marry Luke, but I didn't want a life separate from Luke and that's all he could give me. I don't want that! If I'm going to be with Luke, I want to be with Luke. And he didn't get it. and I waited, I mean God, I waited. It's like Luke is driving a car ok and I just want to be in the passenger seat, but he's locked the door and so I have to hold on to the bumper you know and I'm not even asking him to open the door for me, just leave it unlocked and say come in. But NO! He didn't do that. So I'm hanging onto the bumper and life goes on and the car goes on and I get really badly bruised and hitting potholes and it hurts. It hurts. So yesterday, I had to let go of the bumper, because it hurts too much. It hurts too much!"

Some choice lines from James Blunt's song...

"...Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?'
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,...

Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.You have been the one.You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.And as you move on, remember me,Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.I've watched you sleeping for a while.

Goodbye my lover.Goodbye my friend.You have been the one.You have been the one for me.I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow."

8 comments:

Nas said...

I know sayings don't make it any easier, and it may not seem that way now, but it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all... Sayings must be sayings for a reason right?? Let's hope they're right.

Happy new year.

Vee said...

Nas: I get what you're saying. Thank you. Happy New Year to you too.

Sophie said...

Vee - this is such a beautiful
and very brave thing to do -

you are daring to imagine a different life and i admire you -

that song makes me cry every time -

hugs:)

Gary said...

Vee, I know you have not heading down this road lightly and know that you'll continue to have an open heart, an open mind and will find wonderful new beginnings.

Thanks for your openess too.

Pixie La Roo said...

It takes a lot of courage to make life altering decisions. I am sure you did the best you could.

I still remember the first days when I met you in Seventh grade as the new kid in class, how you took me in. I remember Ninth grade when you had filled my scrap book with lengthy answers to all the silly questions. You made me smile then, you still do. You are still the same sweet wonderful person, only wiser with age and experience.

You will get through this, I know you will. Look ahead to the future. I hope you find all the happiness that you deserve.

Varsh said...

Dont let anyone take ur dreams away..even though this is a very tough time in ur life...u'll find a way to get where u wanna go and be who u wanna be..and...life...will go on...in a diff. direction but...maybe a better path for u...everything happens for a reason...
and when in doubt..i'm ALWAYS ur GP :) xox

lindsaylobe said...

Vee
Sorry to hear about your separation, difficult for you, but you have a positive attitude and life’s journey ahead.

My eldest daughter divorced and has since remarried with a wonderful husband, not that I am sugesting your life will take that course; rather I am sure you will find your own special pathway.

Best wishes

Kaskuss said...

Dear Vee,
Just 2 days back, I spoke the exact lines " I am standing on a thin line between sanity and insanity and I know I will be pushed to one side or other and I know exactly who is going to do this to me".
The song you have posted in wonderful. It awakens some intense emotions in you.
I know it is pretty hard for you. Just wanted to let you know that I will be here whenever you need a friend.