October 03, 2009

Sometimes I should shut up - Part II

Me: "Dad, I found the boy I want to marry".
Dad: "Who is he? What's his name?"
Me: "He's in my class and I like him. You can talk to him later".
Dad: "Okay".
I was ten. My dad was performing his usual morning routine of shaving before heading to work. It's a wonder he didn't cut himself. I literally skipped out of the bathroom after having made that declaration. Fast forward to the present, the boy I wanted to marry back then has, this year, returned to my life and is happily married. No, not to me.

Me: "You know no one likes you right?"
Her: "Yes, I know. You're the only one who's been honest enough to tell me."
Me: "Okay."
Her: "Why?"
I forget the reasons I gave her, but after that "talk" we became better friends when I understood her and she tried to make more friends. I invited her to my birthday party, she gave me a beautiful pen set, and then we flitted around as teenagers do. I might've been 14.

Me: "Cinderella ruined my life."
Male: "Boy, you're jaded."
Me: "Oh, sorry. Were you planning to rescue me?"
Male: "You are jaded!"
Me: "Yes, I would be to your weak mind."
I turned around and walked away and I think he might've cursed me in his head. I was possibly 22.

Me: "It's okay. If you don't like me you can tell me. I may never speak to you again, but atleast we'll get it out of the way." (God, what was I thinking? The guy I said that to was very nice to me about it but at the time secretly dating someone else. Which ofcourse, came to light later - much to my chagrin). I was 29/30.

Cell officer: "You're following me around today."
Me: "You're being delusional."
Cell officer: "I don't mind."
Co-worker: "I don't think he heard you."
Me: "No, I don't think he did."
Cell officer: "What?"
Me: "Nothing. Have a good evening."
Things said with a huge smile lose their effect unless what you're saying is something really happy. Present day scenario.

After I was getting off the elevator with my CBear, lady huddled in the front corner of the elevator tells the other occupant, "smells." (In my mind indicating my CBear). As the doors close I yell, "Are you sure it isn't you?" I hear the other occupant laughing as the elevator moves to the next floor.
I'm a mother, no one disses my kids - with or without fur. This happened a week back.

Me: "My having a brain and making smart-ass comments negates my dating potential."
Response: howl of laughter.
Two days back, at work.

Random drunk male: "You smell soooo good."
Me: "er, thank you."
Random drunk male: "Wanna come fragrance my room?"
Me: "Buy a vanilla candle and it'll do the job."
Random drunk male: "Not as good as you. You smell sooo good."
Me: "Listen, the least you could do is form proper English sentences! I'm an English major."
Random drunk male: blank stare
Me: "Too many words for you?"
Random drunk male: "So, are you coming?"
Me: "Go ahead, I'll follow you."
Random drunk male: "Yeah?"
Me: "No, not really."
Random drunk male: "But you smell so good."
Me: "Go to the washroom, there's a candle there. Have a party!"
And I walked away. Maybe he cursed me in his head. I don't know.
This was last night. I'm now 32, I behave like I'm 25 and I don't seem to be getting any better.


Veena said...

Don't you dare ever shut up!
Sing it, scream it, whisper it, beat-poetry it. And keep doing it till your 80 years old and beyond.

This is a great piece, I love it.
And you smell sooo good.

Kumari said...

Will you, Cbear and J come and fragrance our lives? We would so love it :)
[My landlord won't so you might've to come with a house :p]

Imagine how dull life would be if not for that sharp wit?


Vee said...

Dear Veena: THANK YOU! :) Thanks for coming back and reading this. And I'll try to keep doing this until I'm 80 yrs old and beyond :)

Kumari: lol I think travelling with a house might be a bit troublesome. But we would so love to visit the three of you. :) Let me know when your landlord's on vacation and we'll sneak in then. hehe I don't know what I'd do without retorts... :) Unfortunately it sometimes negates conversation.