July 20, 2009

Sometimes I should just shut up.

Sometimes I should just keep my mouth shut.

In high school, as I was walking down a deserted hall getting to my class, the guy who's been "stalking" me for a few weeks pops up and says to me,
Him: "Why don't you like me?"
Me: "What?"
Him: "What's wrong with me?"
Me: "Have you seen yourself in the mirror?"
Him: "What?"
Me: "Nothing. I just don't. That's all."
(Listen by then he had been dropping me notes in the library, turning up where I went, sending his friends to drop me notes, and then taken a marker and written on my locker for all to see. Yes, he deserved it).

From this past weekend:
Me: "Mom, Dad... I have decided what I want to do." (in regards to choice of career)
Mom: "What if we found you someone?"
Me: "For what?"
Mom: "To get married."
Me: after staring at her, "NO. Thank you. It'd just be a distraction."
Now my mom stares at me like I'm an alien being.
Mom: "Why don't you just get married and get settled?"
Me: "Been there, done that mom".
(Yes, my dad had to intervene at that point).

"What's the colour of the sky where you live?"
Me: Smiling brightly: "PURPLE"
I think I actually shut the questioner up who was trying to ridicule me.

13 years ago when taking driving lessons:
Instructor: "Do you think you're a race car driver?"
Me: "YES! Is this not the Grand Prix?"
Instructor: "Get out of my car!"
(Yep, I actually had to leave. Ask me a stupid question, what do you expect?)

From a guy with whom I was on a second date:
Date: "You haven't touched me yet."
Me: (taken aback and trying not to laugh): "Maybe there's a reason for it."
Date: "What?"
Me: "Nothing. Never mind".

To the kid who was trying to pick me up:
Me: "How old are you?"
Him: "21."
Me: laughing "Listen I'm way too old for you. Go talk to someone else"
Him: "You look my age"
Me: "It's the mood lighting in this place"
Him: "Come on. Age is just a number."
(persistent eh?)
Me: "Let me put it to you this way, when I was 10 you weren't born."
Sometimes my friends just hand me a drink and then sit back and see what I'll say.

When I was younger:
Mom: "Please don't run away with someone."
Me: sputtering: "When have I ever given you that impression?"
(Please note back then aunties would tell their kids to try and be like me and then this came from left field!)
Now many years later, "So mom I married a Tamil Brahmin Iyer boy like you wanted. I should've just run off."

To a friend who was recently lamenting to me about boy troubles, "It's your life, go deal with it."
(I did want to hide after that. She still remains my friend, but never lets me forget it).

Years back in a music shop:
Me: "Oh my name means this stringed musical instrument."
Guy: "Oh that's cool"
Me: wandering around the store distracted, "Yeah it's like the sitar. But you put it on your lap and play it."
Me: 5 shades of red.
Guy: on the floor laughing in the middle of the store.

A birthday present from two years back:
Bf: "I named a star for you."
Me: "What? NO! I mean... it's too much. You really shouldn't have."
Bf: "I thought you'd like it. Now I can look up in to the sky and always see you"
Me: *gagging in my head* "Oh, that's sweet. I need to go now."
(I am going to hell. I know. And yes, there is a V star actually up there).

From earlier tonight:
"You think we're alike? Go find your own thing to do! You talk about divorce after 2 frickin' weeks of marriage and dare to compare it to me and my pain?" (too incensed to utter words after). What am I the divorce guru now?"
(I don't care if we're not friends anymore).

Him: "Wished I was a mirror so I could look at you all the time."
Me: "Are you saying I'm vain? That I'd be standing in front of a mirror all the time?"
(I'm still banging my head against a wall for that one.)

Today at work:
Lawyer "You look deadly"
Me: "Yes. I'm a regular black widow"
Lawyer "huh?"
Me: "Deadly. Look. Kills. Black.??"
Lawyer "What?"
Me: "How did you become a lawyer?"
Lawyer: "Law school?"
(yes, great come back)
Me: "Why do I bother using my brain?"
Lawyer: "What?"
Me: "Oh geez. Nothing."
(I was in black, with black lined eyes and hence the black widow reference, but it was all a waste).

I think sometimes the brain gets in the way of me playing the part of a ditz. But then, sometimes I should just shut up.


Pixie La Roo said...

Did you actually say that to your driving instructor? Cool

The musical instrument thing was hilarious. Can imagine how you must have felt. :)

I know how you feel. I let my tongue run away with me most of them and wish I can hit undo and sometimes not but the point is lost on the other person, so you feel frustrated anyway. I get you and feel you.

Vee said...

Thanks my ever supportive Pixie :)