Sometimes I wonder if I'm nothing but a fool. Where does this "false" sense of optimism come from that let's me wake up daily and walk around with my head held high? Aren't hope and faith just around so you can tell yourself that what you're doing actually matters - to you, to someone else, to the universe? Would I rather be a fool than nothing at all? I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not the latter. I want to disappear. I spout nonsense and fool myself.