June 20, 2009

Foolish quest?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm nothing but a fool. Where does this "false" sense of optimism come from that let's me wake up daily and walk around with my head held high? Aren't hope and faith just around so you can tell yourself that what you're doing actually matters - to you, to someone else, to the universe? Would I rather be a fool than nothing at all? I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not the latter. I want to disappear. I spout nonsense and fool myself.


Jesse said...

i wrote a comment, then edited it for publishing on my site, it was terrible so i deleted it from here. if you want to read it you can check my site. i started it as a comment directed at you but after writing it and editing it it kind of took on a mind of its own and isn't completely directed at you
ps. thanks for the inspiration

Vee said...

That isn't fair! What was originally posted should've been left here, so I demand you repost it. lol However, I shall also visit your site. And I emailed you a reply based on your original comment.

Jesse said...

This may come across as crass, but I have an analytical mind so just take it very literally, not personally. It's only my view of things in terms of 'do we matter'. The way I see myself in the world is that I don't matter. You don't matter either. Nothing matters. Well, maybe a little. More on that later.

People that have religion and faith in their lives believe something matters, which is why they have faith and religion in the first place. I respect their beliefs in whatever gods they have. All over the world there are various gods to help societies and cultures make sense of their surroundings. I believe that people's brains are hard-wired to use something like religion as a device to help them understand the world, to give them a reason or purpose for existing in order to preserve and perpetuate the human species. Mind you, this obviously isn't the only instinct used for species perpetuation and survival. But for someone like me who has no 'faith', I have accepted the fact that; nothing happens to me when I die, there is no higher power, I will not answer to anyone for my actions in this life, and nothing waits for me when I die. But that doesn't bother me or scare me -- I've come to terms with it and I'm okay with that. I may have no faith in a higher power ruling over me, but I still live my life with a certain personal code of conduct. I've adopted some principles from the bible as though they were true, only because I think they're good ideas, for example it is a 'sin' to murder someone or commit suicide (and even though I do not believe there would be a hell for me to go to should I ever commit one of those acts, I still never could because it's ingrained in me how wrong they are). I also have my 'own' karma system where I believe that doing good acts is good (it's pretty complicated) but I don't necessarily expect to get an equal return, e.g. it's completely fine if I get back 1 random good thing for 10 things I've done -- I don't keep score.

Although, in the greater scheme of things, I don't believe any of this matters--our hopes and dreams, beliefs, existence--I do have my own personal system of beliefs that I have created. A belief system that is a bunch of ideals and principles to live my life by which, in reality, isn't much different than many other religions out there, except that mine doesn't involve supreme beings and floods and plagues and boils and frogs and the apocalypse and all that fun stuff.

The only thing that matters is right now, and if right now isn't good, what can you do to make it better? If you don't like yourself right now, what can you do to make yourself better? If you don't like your job, friends, weight, house, finances, depression, whatever, right now, what can you do to make it better for later? This is the only life you have so make the best of it. Be as important as you want to be, and be that person for YOU. Do things that make you happy and make you smile and make you feel good when you look at yourself in the mirror. Be yourself, your whole self and as much of yourself as you can be. Be happy with yourself. know yourself. Love yourself. Then go out into the world and find the thing that makes you the most happy and go after it. If it's a dream job or a hobby or a soulmate or travelling the world or whatever, find it and never stop until your heart does.

I'll compromise and post my blog here so your blog readers can see it. The original is lost in cyberspace. It was really raw and riddled with errors, incomplete, run-on sentences and all kinds of nonsense. The main ideas are all still intact though, I just prettied it up a little bit and added some sparkles and glitter for my website ;).

Vee said...

You listened to me?? Thanks!! :)

Jesse said...

ha ha very funny =P

ok actually i laughed out loud

lindsaylobe said...

I think trust is the key, in others, yourself and in the spiritual. The greatest treasure I think we can have is to know there are people (hard as they are to find) to trust and lean on in difficult times. You are not a fool and you can trust in yourself and eventually in others who will not betray that trust.

I like the quote from Albert Schweitzer -

When we observe contemporary society one thing strikes us. We debate but make no progress. Why? Because as people we do not trust one another.

Best wishes

Pixie La Roo said...

Jesse's comment/post is thought provoking and I agree with all that he said. For my part, I would say that we all do matter in some way and in the grand scheme things it works out like the butterfly effect, if you will ;)

I am reminded of the Kamal Haasan movie, Anbe Sivam which translates "Love is God" based on the Christian saying of 'God is Love'. The message was that an atheist or a believer who is a good person, who is ruled by his own personal codes of conduct lives his life by helping others, doing good deeds and in turn receives good deeds from his fellow beings in one way or the other. So he says there is a little bit of Godliness(?) in all of us. I really like that movie and it is so true. We may think we don't matter but the smallest act or few kind words we say makes a big difference to someone's life. We may not even realise it most of the time. It has happened to me many times, and whenever that realisation hits me that I have helped someone, that I have contributed to their well being, its a great feeling and thats when you know - YOU DO MATTER!

Vee, you have touched many lives I'm sure with all your charities, causes and by simply being a caring friend who listened. Hopeful optimism isn't foolish and if it is, I want to be fooled all the time. :)

Much love,