Today I was thanked by my ex for knowing when to call it quits and acting up on it. I was quiet for a moment and then I said "you're welcome I guess". I had been generally asking him how he was doing since I still have this need to check up on him every now and then because for all intents and purposes (in my mind atleast) he's alone here in this country.
But having said that, we're each doing our part in moving forward, in moving along. Seemingly gone are the days when I had to force myself out of bed and give myself pep talks for stepping out into the world or to meet with a friend. Now, having forced myself into activities and trying to regain some semblance of former self, I'm surrounded by activities and friends and things to keep me busy. Yes, pangs happen. Memories cloud judgement. Not having Jackie eats me up inside constantly, if I let myself think about her daily.
Still I am now hopeful every now and then. Even if part of me wants to shrink back into the comfort zone I had created for myself. Hopeful that I'm smiling genuinely again, hopeful that I actually laugh out loud, hopeful that I can let a song take me into dreamland, hopeful that I just feel alive and determined to live a full life, hopeful that I'm giving people a second chance rather than shutting them off.
Yes, part of me feels re-born. And sometimes I can't wait to get where I want to go...infact at times I'm impatient to get to the end. I guess it is from that feeling that the name for this blog was born. Lots of yearnings... finding ways to fulfill them. For now like the All-American Rejects sang
"And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along"
But having said that, we're each doing our part in moving forward, in moving along. Seemingly gone are the days when I had to force myself out of bed and give myself pep talks for stepping out into the world or to meet with a friend. Now, having forced myself into activities and trying to regain some semblance of former self, I'm surrounded by activities and friends and things to keep me busy. Yes, pangs happen. Memories cloud judgement. Not having Jackie eats me up inside constantly, if I let myself think about her daily.
Still I am now hopeful every now and then. Even if part of me wants to shrink back into the comfort zone I had created for myself. Hopeful that I'm smiling genuinely again, hopeful that I actually laugh out loud, hopeful that I can let a song take me into dreamland, hopeful that I just feel alive and determined to live a full life, hopeful that I'm giving people a second chance rather than shutting them off.
Yes, part of me feels re-born. And sometimes I can't wait to get where I want to go...infact at times I'm impatient to get to the end. I guess it is from that feeling that the name for this blog was born. Lots of yearnings... finding ways to fulfill them. For now like the All-American Rejects sang
"And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along"
4 comments:
The bright dawn heralds a new day
Its rosy lances have opened
The golden gates of the Sun
And lit up the path of action
Awake, o man, the slumber
And darkness of the night is over
May each dawn lead us
From triump to triumph
In the long journey of life
Rigveda 1.113.16
Lindsay, that's apt. Thank you. :) Very encouraging words.
Thanks Vee, for sharing so eloquently . I can relate to much of the sentiments too. It was my birthday yesterday and I invited my ex to join the kids and I for dinner. It feels like things have moved to a more settled place for each of us.
Also, a place (for me at least) of possibilities.
Hi Vee
I understand. Memories haunt us forever and the toughest part is letting go. As the wise man said (I don't remember it quote-to-quote :) )
" I traveled places in search of happiness. All I found was emptiness. I turned back and searched within. I found it! "
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